what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
