guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize