i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am puke
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
