never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize