I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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