Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
