I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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