If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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