She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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