We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
