That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
