I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
