Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
