she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
