"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
