Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
