I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
