All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
