Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
