I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
