I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
