Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
