I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
