1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
