Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
