He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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