Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
pop tarts are not kleenex
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
