hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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