im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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