O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
