I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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