Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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