Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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