Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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