i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
