i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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