You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
