Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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