So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Randomize
