I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
