ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i came on her dog
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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