I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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