cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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