if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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