I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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