My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
