And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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