i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
