He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
