i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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