The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
