Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
