hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
vagina is talking i cant
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
