This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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