I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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