so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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