Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
