I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
