Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
