he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
