So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
