Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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