ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
