Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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