I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The air taste purple.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
