i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
