Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
