I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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