hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
